Countess Dracula [BD/DVD Combo Pack]

Synapse Films has released its third Hammer Horror Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack. Unlike the previous releases Twins of Evil and Hands of the Ripper, Countess Dracula has previously been available in the US on DVD. That doesn't mean that this new release isn't a welcome event for Hammer fans. Au contraire!!! This newly remastered release is a beautiful addition to your Hammer library. It also includes extra features not available on the earlier MGM double feature DVD.

Movie rating: 9/10
DISC rating: 10/10
Release Date: May 6, 2014
Running Time: 1 hour 33 minutes
Rating: R
Distributor: Synapse Films
List Price: $29.95

Disc Details
Special Features:
Widescreen anamorphic format (DVD) Hi Def 1080p widescreen (Blu-Ray)
Chapter selection
• Audio commentary with actress Ingrid Pitt, director Peter Sasdy, screenwriter Jeremy Paul and author Jonathan Sothcott
• Immortal Countess: The Cinematic Life of Ingrid Pitt Featurette
• Vintage audio Interview with Ingrid Pitt
• Theatrical Trailer
• Still Gallery
• Reversible Cover Artwork
• Casing: 2-Disc Keep Case


Review

COUNTESS DRACULA (Rating 9/10)

Peter Sasdy's "Countess Dracula" is one of the best Hammer Horror films of the studios last period. Based on the life of Elisabeth Bathory, "Countess Dracula" is not a real vampire film. Elisabeth Bathory was a Hungarian Countess who believed that bathing in the blood of virgins would preserve her beauty. She is reputed to have killed over 600 girls during her reign of terror. Sasdy's film cuts down on the body count, but does provide an interesting look into the world's most vain woman.

Countess Elisabeth (Ingrid Pitt) attends the reading of her late husband's will. Also present are Captain Dobi (Nigel Green, Zulu), Lt. Imre (Sandor Eles), Master Fabio (Maurice Denham) and the Countess's maid Julie (Patience Collier). Noticeably absent is the Countess's daughter Illona (Leslie-Anne Down). No one except Master Fabio gets what they wanted. The Countess wanted everything. She has to split everything with her daughter. Captain Dobi gets all of the armor in the castle. What he wants is the Countess. Lt. Imre gets the late Count's horses. Master Fabio gets the library.

In a fit of anger after the reading of the will, Elisabeth attacks a chambermaid. The maid is cut and her blood splashes on the Countess's face. Damn if it doesn't make her skin younger. Elisabeth kills the young woman and discovers that she can be young again. Temporarily. The Countess quickly involves her maid and the lovelorn Capt. Dobi into procuring girls for her. Dobi kidnaps Illona before she can reach the castle. Now Elisabeth can assume the identity of her own daughter. She also sets her lustful gaze on the young Lt. Imre.

Ingrid Pitt delivers the best performance of her career in this dark character study. Her Elisabeth is as vainglorious as any woman who has ever existed. There is no remorse in her soul. The look on Ms. Pitt's face when the will is read is priceless. Her 'old lady' makeup is excellent. After each blood bath, the countess returns to her elderly state, only worse. As the young pseudo Illona, Pitt is amazing. The film was made at the height of the actress's own physical apex. I challenge you to find a more voluptuous actress in horror films. Ms. Pitt doesn't just rely on her physical beauty in this great movie. She delivers a solid performance. The film is all the more chilling because it is based on fact. The production values are excellent. The filmmakers used the expensive sets built for the Richard Burton period piece "Anne of a Thousand Days." The sets work to lift this film above the typical Hammer period piece.

The Disc

Great film, picture and sound. Excellent extras (which are duplicated on both Blu-Ray and DVD discs). A must have for Hammer fans.

Picture Quality: 10/10

Beautiful remastered image. Superior to the previous MGM DVD release. Hi Def 1080p widescreen on the Blu-Ray. Widescreen anamorphic format 1:66 to 1 on the DVD

Sound Quality: 10/10

DTS-HD MA 2.0 mono on the Blu-Ray and Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono on the DVD. The sound on both Discs are far superior to the previous release.

Extra Features: 10/10

Enjoyable and informative commentary track. Ms. Pitt shares the story of how she wanted to push the limits of gore to show what a monster her character really was, but was not allowed.

My favorite extra was the new featurette Immortal Countess: The Cinematic Life of Ingrid Pitt. It is no secret that I've been an Ingrid Pitt fan for nearly 40 years. The featurette is a loving look at Ms. Pitt's fascinating life. The Disc also includes a lengthy audio interview with Ms. Pitt. While the audio interview does include a number of stills, the bulk of the time you are watching the reels of a tape machine go around and around. There is a fair photo gallery and the film's theatrical trailer.

The Final Word:

A must have Disc for Hammer fans.

Synapse Films to Release Countess Dracula [BD/DVD Combo Pack]

One of my favorite Hammer films is getting the royal treatment from Synapse Films!

COUNTESS DRACULA RISES!

The beautiful Ingrid Pitt (The Wicker Man, Where Eagles Dare) stars as Elisabeth Nádasdy, an aging Hungarian Countess who discovers she can reverse her aging by bathing in the blood of young women. While in her youthful state, the Countess falls for the handsome Lt. Imre Toth (Sandor Elès), and impersonates her own daughter to win his affections. Soon, girls in the village go missing… kidnapped and murdered by the Countess and her steward, Julie (Patience Collier) to satiate her horrifying bloodlust. Can Elisabeth live a life of deception with her grotesque lust for blood to stay eternally young, or will her ghoulish secret finally be revealed? Co-starring Nigel Green (Jason and the Argonauts, Zulu).

Considered “one of the more underrated films from the latter days of the Hammer Films dynasty“ (Don Guarisco, Allmovie.com), Countess Dracula is based on the real-life Hungarian Countess Elizabeth Bathory, a woman accused of torturing and murdering more than 600 girls.

Special Features:

• Audio commentary with actress Ingrid Pitt, director Peter Sasdy, screenwriter Jeremy Paul and author Jonathan Sothcott
• Immortal Countess: The Cinematic Life of Ingrid Pitt Featurette
• Vintage audio Interview with Ingrid Pitt
• Theatrical Trailer
• Still Gallery
• Reversible Cover Artwork

Disc Info:

Directed by: Peter Sasdy
Starring: Ingrid Pitt, Nigel Green, Lesley-Anne Down
Run Time: 93 minutes
Release Date: May 6, 2014
Language: English
Aspect Ratio: Widescreen Anamorphic 1.66:1
Format: Blu-ray / DVD Combo
Region: 1 / A
UPC: 654930316092
SRP: $29.95

XXX (2002)

R.I.P. 007

Director: Rob Cohen
Starring: Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Asia Argento, Marton Csokas, Eve
Length: 2 hours 3 minutes
Rated: PG-13

In the opening scene of Rob Cohen's XXX, an American secret agent in Prague captures a secret computer chip from a terrorist. As more terrorists pursue him, the agent strips off his black coveralls to reveal a tuxedo. He slips in a nightclub to elude the enemy. Unfortunately for the poor sap, he runs into a Goth club where the band Rammstein is whipping the crowd into frenzy. The elegantly dressed agent sticks out like the hairy wart on grandma's nose. The dapper agent is shot in the back. This scene is Columbia's way of raising their middle finger toward MGM's reliable James Bond franchise. XXX takes the tried-and-true plot devices of the 007 series and injects a Gen X vitality into them. Ian Fleming's novels have been replaced with a "graphic novel" mentality. XXX should have the folks at MGM worried because this film out Bonds Bond with thrilling, non-stop action, great stunts, worldwide locations and some very funny dialogue. While there are certain events that defy the laws of physics and logic, they can be overlooked. XXX reinvigorates the spy film genre with a swift kick in the ass.

XXX should mean big things for star Vin Diesel. Who knew the guy was funny!?! He has proven that he can handle the physical stuff. In The Fast and the Furious he showed some emotional range. He has always had a dangerous edge to him. Never before (on film) has he shown that he had a sense of humor. In XXX, director Rob Cohen, writer Randy Wilkes and executive producer/star Vin Diesel have conspired to create a comic book action hero for the new millennium. If these guys play their cards right, 007 will go the way of the dinosaurs. We might be witnessing the beginning of a new movie franchise!

Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) is an extreme sport iconoclast. He savors freedom. He sports a 'Triple X' tattoo on the back of his neck. Cage, or X to his friends, is introduced in a high octane scene in which he poses as a valet parking attendant in order to steal the car of a super conservative California state senator. X speeds off in the corvette. His team of anarchists meets him. They load the 'vette with digital cameras, and X leads the police on a wild chase. X talks into the camera as he drives. He berates "Dick," the state senator, for being a dick. "Dick doesn't like skateboards, video games and sex (unless it is in the missionary position and the woman doesn't enjoy it)." X then drives the 'vette off of a high bridge and parachutes from the convertible mid-air in what has to be the most extreme case of base-jumping ever. X's exploits are broadcast over the Internet by his sexy manager, played by rap singer Eve. X is a hero to disenfranchised youth and rebels worldwide.

In a secret NSA bunker in West Virginia, the powers that be are worried about a group of former Soviet soldiers in Prague. The group calls themselves "Anarchy 99." The unfortunate agent killed in the opening reel was the third spy killed trying to find out what this group is up to. Before his death, the agent was able to send some of the information he uncovered. It seems that Anarchy 99 has the formula to some very nasty biological weapons. Agent Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) is a bit of a renegade at NSA. He proposes that the NSA capture a group of American criminals who fit the same profile as the terrorists and see if one can be trained to infiltrate the group. Take a leap of faith if you will and overlook this absurdity. X is one of many athletic, tattooed, risk-taking badguys who are rounded up. X alone passes several dangerous tests that agent Gibbons has in store for him. Once Gibbons is convinced that X is his man, he makes X an offer he can't refuse. Work for NSA or life without parole for his third felony. Either get on the plane to Prague or "three strikes and your out." X makes the right decision.

Once in Prague, X worms his way into the group lead by Yorgi (Marton Csokas). X works his way into the group and discovers their evil plot. He also develops the hots for Yorgi’s girl Yelena (Asia Argento, daughter of Italian horror director Dario Argento). I'll say no more other than to warn you to strap yourself in for the thrill ride of a lifetime.

Writer Rich Wilkes has obviously studied the Bond films. He also seems to have a feel for the attitudes of those who question authority. Agent Gibbons has a massive scar on one side of his face. X tells him sarcastically that he hopes the Stars and Stripes give him comfort every time he looks in the mirror. Gibbons, a true believer, says it's a "small price to pay for defending the freedoms you enjoy." Wilkes doesn't make X a true believer. X is a reluctant hero. He takes the job because he has no choice and because he loves life on the edge. Only when the enormity of Yorgi's evil plot is revealed does X begin to question his own anarchistic traits. At one point Gibbons tells X to abort the mission. Of course, X continues anyway. Later Gibbons says "I'm the authority figure. I tell you not to do something, you're going to do it!" This thread in Wilkes' script gives XXX the boost needed to become a major hit of the summer and possibly many summers to follow.

The cast does a fine job bringing the story to life. XXX is smart in that the characters aren't lost amidst the massive explosions, shootouts and avalanches that rock the movie. Vin Diesel puts himself on the A-list with this one. Asia Argento may break out of her status as cult movie goddess and find mainstream, international success. Marton Csokas is dark and sexy. His Yorgi is a compelling megalomaniac. Only Samuel L. Jackson's character seems two-dimensional. Gibbons is a company man, not afraid to break the rules if it helps the team win. He is gung-ho in an Oliver North kind of way. XXX has its own version of Bond gadget guy Q - in this case a nerdy MIT graduate. He delivers a whole slew of goodies to X in Prague. When he finds out that X has only been with the company a week he says "That sucks! I've been stuck in a basement lab with no windows for six years!" He is kind of a Jimmy Olsen with guns instead of a camera.

I remember several episodes of The Beverly Hillbillies in which Jethro wanted to be a "double-aught spy." Compared to the James Bond of that time, Jethro seemed silly and inept. Now that X is in town, the suave Mr. Bond too looks like just another "double-aught" spy.

HELLBOY (2004)

Hell Yes!
reviewed: 2004-03-29

"Hellboy" Rocks! I am usually wary when I go to see a comic book movie. After "Blade 2" I was wary of director Guillermo del Toro. "Hellboy" washed those concerns right down the drain. Based on the Darkhorse comic book, "Hellboy" tells the story of a blue-collar demon who works for the goodguys, kicks ass, loves nachos and just wants to find a girl to love him, horns and all.

This week I watched the great DVD "The Lon Chaney Collection." One of the amazing things about Lon Chaney Sr. was that the humanity of his characters shined through beneath his "1000 Faces." Ron Perlman delivers the best performance of his career under a mountain of makeup and prosthetics. Perlman plays the title character, a demon brought to this world by the Nazis at the end of WWII. The allies, aided by the young Professor Bruttenholm (John Hurt) disrupt the Nazi black mass before they badguys can unleash a horde of demons on the world. One small demon does enter. It is an infant. However, it is a very important demon. One who holds the key to the apocalypse. Rather than destroy the beast, he is taken to America where he becomes a weapon in the arsenal of the "Office of Paranormal Research and Defense."

Cut to the present time. Hellboy lives a secluded life within the confines of the FBI's secret facility. He likes to sneak out occasionally. He is an oddity who longs to be normal. How is the demon in Hellboy tamed? He shaves his horns off. Like Samson without his hair, Hellboy without his horns is a being with freewill. He was raised by the kind professor. He calls the professor Pop and the professor loves him as a Son. Unfortunately the professor has cancer. He recruits a rookie FBI agent to take his place. Agent John Meyers' (Rupert Evans) only qualification for the job is a pure heart. Hellboy needs someone who can see past the red skin, tail and horn stubs to accept him for the humanity within.

Hellboy was conjured into this realm by a resurrected Rasputin (Karel Roden). Though he died during the allies’ attack, he is once again resurrected. Rasputin wants Hellboy to fulfill his destiny. Hellboy just wants to kill evil orcs and get Liz (Selma Blair) to love him. Liz is human but has powers that brought her in contact with Hellboy. I really don't want to give away anymore of this film.

Mr. del Toro's direction is great. The action sequences have none of the quick-cut, frenetic quality that marred "Blade 2." The action scenes are rousing, fast-paced, but shot in such away that you can relish the entirely of the battles. The suspense scenes are also expertly handled. While the direction is excellent, what makes this film work is Ron Perlman.

Anyone who has ever been on the outside looking in will be able to identify with Perlman's Hellboy. Despite his great strength, Hellboy is a freak. One part "Terminator" one part "Marty." It is a smartly written character, wonderfully portrayed. I can't wait to see it again!

EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS (2002)

Spiders Man!

STARS:	TWO and 1/2
Director:	Ellory Elkayem
Starring:	David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer, Doug E. Doug, Rick Overton, Scarlett Johansson, Scott Terra, Leon Rippy, Eileen Ryan
Length:	1 hour 40 minutes
Rated:	PG-13

1950s monster movie fans rejoice, Eight Legged Freaks is about to crawl into your local theaters filled with more thrills, shocks and stereotypes than have been on display since the first Tremors. While Ellory Elkayam's spider invasion doesn't reach the cult classic status of Tremors, Eight Legged Freaks provides enough scary action to keep moviegoers jumping till school starts back up.

Prosperity, Arizona is a dying mining town. Prosperity is a desert version of the quirky town in TV's Northern Exposure. It even has a lone voice of (paranoid) reason broadcasting from a radio station based in a trailer. Harlan (Doug E. Doug) spreads government conspiracy theories and alien invasion rumors like a low-budget Art Bell.

McCormack Mines are about to shut down. Wade (Leon Rippy), the mayor of Proserity has hatched numerous plots to reenergize the town's sagging economy, but all have failed. To cut his loses, Wade has allowed a chemical company to store toxic waste in the mine shafts under his empty shopping mall. Things go awry when a truck driver delivering the canned poison swerves to avoid a rabbit, spilling a 55 gallon drum of chemical death into a stream.

Mike Parker (Scott Terra) is the 10 year old son of Prosperity's sexy sheriff, Sam (short for Samantha) Parker (Kari Wuhrer). Mike is one of those genius children which seem to populate films of the genre. Mike likes to sneek over to the exotic spider farm run by the creepy Tom Noonan (Manhunter). Mike discovers that the several hundred spiders at the farm have begun to grow at an accelerated rate due to the contaminated crickets that Noonan feeds his pets. Mike is not supposed to be visiting the spider farm. His mother busts him when Mike stops by deputy Pete's patrol car as the oafish cop is cleaning up the chemical spill. Of course, Mike connects the chemical spill with the rapid growth of the spiders. However, no one ever listens to kids!

You can't have a giant-monster movie without a hero. Enter Chris McCormack (David Arquette). Chris has returned to Prosperity after a self-imposed ten-year exile. He intends to find the fabled vein of gold which eluded his dead father. Sam walks into the mine office and surprises the chain-smoking Gladys (Eileen Ryan, the mother of Sean and Chris Penn). Gladys informs Chris that the mine is three months away from going belly up. Chris also has a long-time crush on Sam the sheriff. Sam is the kind of sheriff that makes you want to undergo a body cavity search, whether you need it or not! The single mom has her hands full with Mike and her teenage daughter Ashley (Scarlett Johansson: Ghost World). Sam gives Ashley a stungun as a form of contraception. With all of the characters in place, "Eight Legged Freaks" unleashes the monsters for an hour long thrill ride.

The CGI effects run the gamut from excellent to lousy. Fortunately, there are only a couple of bad effects. There is a scene in which a hoard of jumping spiders pick off a group of dirt-bikers in the desert. Most of the scene is outstanding from an FX point of view, but a couple of the attacks almost appears to be an homage to Bert I. Gordon, the king of cheesy, giant-bug movies in the 50s. In Gordon's The Beginning of the End giant grasshoppers attack Chicago. During the finale, grasshoppers were photographed walking on still photos of the Chicago skyline. A couple of the bugs can be seen walking in mid-air ALA Wiley Coyote! The first two spider attacks have that quality. Because of the quality of the rest of the film, I have to believe this was an in-joke for movie nerds like myself. There is another scene in which a couple watches in horror as their cat is dragged inside their livingroom wall and killed by a spider. The cartoonish special effects during this scene almost ruin the entire movie. What is meant by the filmmakers to be clever only destroys whatever suspension of disbelief the audience has built up. Fortunately, bigger and better things follow which erase the bad taste of this scene.

A common theme in the monster movies of the 50s was "aliens attack the American way of life." This theme is updated to reflect the Enron/World Com age of corporate corruption. Corporate greed leads to the destruction of mankind by the mutation of nature. The "toxic spill" ploy has been used in previous horror films such as the terrible Horror of Party Beach to the cult classic Humanoids From the Deep to John Frankenheimer's preachy Prophecy. Here, the source of the arachnid mutation is nothing more than a loving wink to the films of the 50s.

How are the performances? We're talking about a giant-bug movie! The cast is fun. Doug E. Doug and Rick Overton steal the show. Doug E. Doug provides the film's slapstick comic relief while Rick Overton is more subtle. Overton's deputy Pete is a timid, lumox who doesn't realize how dumb he is. I found myself laughing every time each man was on screen, and worrying when they appeared to be in danger of dying! David Arquette has a likeable screen presence, but he wasn't strong enough to keep Doug and Overton from stealing the show. Maybe he should have studied Kevin Bacon's performance in Temors before filming. Kari Wuhrer was sexy and competent. I enjoyed Eileen Ryan's performance as the crotchety old secretary. It's easy to see where her sons Sean and Chris Penn get their talent.

The spiders also have to be considered characters in this movie. They deliever the best performances of all thanks to their CGI creators. There are a wide variety of eight-legged nasties. There are a couple of giant tarantulas, some very scary trap-door spiders and some bad-ass jumping spiders. I haven't seen this much variety in the various monsters since Starship Troopers. Unlike Arachnophobia which had me shaking out my shoes every morning before I put them on, Eight Legged Freaks delivers a different type of fright. These spiders scare the crap out of you by their massive size and numbers. My wife and daughter refused to go see the movie because they hate small crawly things. I hate spiders also, but the movie didn't play on that fear except during the first scene when they were still small.

Eight Legged Freaks has the potential to be this summer's sleeper hit. I was surprised that the sneak preview I attended wasn't full. My friend, John Beifus, who is the film critic for "The Memphis Commercial Appeal" made the same observation. He said, "maybe there aren't enough two legged freaks" that would enjoy the film. I hope there are. One thing producers listen to is the sound of money at the box-office. Tremors came out in 1990. It would be nice not to wait 12 years before the release of another monster movie as good as this one.

EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS (2002)

Doody, Ca-Ca, Poo-Poo

STARS	ZERO
Director:	Seth Kearsley
Starring:	Adam Sandler, Jackie Titone, Tyra Banks, Jon Lovitz, Kenin Nealon, Rob Schneider
Length:	1 hour 16 minutes
Rated:	PG-13

The lowest common denominator for Adam Sandler's profane "8 Crazy Nights" is the number two (think potty). If you ever wondered what a 70-year-old, seizure-prone dwarf would look like after being pushed down a hill in a porta-potty, then "8 Crazy Nights" is your kind of movie. If you ever wondered what reindeer with 'shit-eating-grins' looked like, then "8 Crazy Nights" is your kind of movie. If you ever wondered what the backsides of those same reindeer looked like as they had machine-gun, rapid-fire bowel movements, then "8 Crazy Nights" is your kind of movie.

Unfortunately, word of mouth will get around in the junior high restrooms next week, and 13-year old boys all over the country will make this movie some money. My 13-year old son and his friends could have written “8 Crazy Nights” after they broke into my vodka. The movie is stupid, juvenile and utterly profane. It is the worst Adam Sandler film ever made.

Davey (Adam Sandler) is a hate filled alcoholic who hates everyone including himself. Life has dealt him some hard blows, so Davey has decided to make everyone in his town as miserable as he is. Whitey (Adam Sandler) is an elderly dwarf who runs the town's junior basketball league. After Davey is arrested for destroying the town's Christmas and Chanukah decorations, Whitey offers to help Davey reform rather than go to the penitentiary. To bad for the movie goers that one of the film's police officers didn't look around to see if anyone was watching and shoot Davey in the face. Of course, Davey craps (literally) all over the old man. Davey craps all over everyone in the film. Adam Sandler craps all over everyone who slaps down their hard-earned money to see this crap. Like Scrooge before him, Davey will see the light before the 8th day of Chanukah has passed.

So what! Do not go see this film. If you have an IQ over 72, or you are more than 6 months into your puberty, this movie will insult and bore you. Adam Sandler's new holiday songs are awful. The new version of his classic Chanukah song plays over the ends credits. It is the only worthwhile thing in the entire film. Buy the CD instead. If you are a decent parent, you will not let your 13 year-olds (the film's target audience) go see this. Rest assured that there are plenty of tobacco chewing, wrasslin watching, inbred, Jerry Springer rejects that will think this is the greatest thing since WWE Pay-Per-Views with The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. All others be sure to take along a couple of rolls of toilet paper and be prepared to be covered in shit.

LIVE FREAKY! DIE FREAKY! (2006)

Live Freaky! Die Freaky! (2006)

Disc Details

Distributor:
Wellspring

List Price: $29.98

Running Time: 80 minutes

Special Features:
Widescreen anamorphic format
Chapter selection
Audio Commentary with John Roecker, Billie Joe Armstrong and Jane Wiedlin
Bonus Soundtrack CD with performances by Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong and the Go-Go's Jane Wiedlin. Music by Tim Armstrong and Roddy Bottom
"Mechanical Man" video with vocals by Billie Joe Armstrong
Deleted Scene
Behind-the-Scenes: “Desert Footage”
Behind-the-Scenes “Soundtrack Rehearsals and Recordings”
Behind-the-Scenes: “Making Puppets Speak”
Storyboards
Mini Bios
Trailer
Sneak peeks

Video Format:
Anamorphic Widescreen (1.85:1)

Language Tracks:
English (Dolby Digital 5.1)

Subtitles:
None

Closed Captions:
No

Casing:
2-disc Keep Case

Director(s):	John Roecker
Movie rating:	0/10
DVD rating:	4/10
DVD Release Date:	01/31/2006
Running Time:	80 minutes
Rating:	NR

Film & Disc Review, Live Freaky! Die Freaky!
reviewed: 2006-01-19

After watching this DVD, I wrote the PR person. It's not that I don't want to tell my readers the truth, because I do. It's just that when I feel inspired to try and destroy a filmmaker and his cast and crew in a review, I want to warn the PR person first. They said go ahead. Bad press is better than no press at all.

I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to destroy the people involved in this film. I'd like to destroy them in the same way that Charlie Manson and his followers destroyed their victims. That may sound harsh. The reason that I would like to totally destroy everyone involved in the creation of this film is because they are hateful people who's so-called art will hurt specific people. I'm not talking about "Their satire will upset Blacks" or "Their satire will upset Jews" or "Their satire will upset Christians" or some other definable group. My problem is that this film will hurt Sharon Tate's sisters Debra and Patti. This film will hurt Sharon Tate's mother Doris and father Paul. This film will hurt Sharon Tate's widower Roman Polanski. This film will hurt the loved ones of Jay Sebring. The loved ones of Abigail Folger. The loved ones of Steven Earl Parent. The loved ones of Leno and Rosemary LaBianco.

How will this film hurt them? It will hurt the above mentioned people because their murdered loved ones are portrayed as evil and despicable people. I hope the families sue the hell out of the filmmakers to prevent the release of this horrible, hateful and harmful film.

I'm no prude. I love the bizarre. I love films that push the envelope. However. I think that when you present something as art, when it will cause real, tangible pain to specific people, then you should be tied down and anally reamed with sandpaper drill bits until you repent of your horrible actions.

What is repulsive about this film? Okay. Here goes. Sharon Tate is portrayed as a cocaine addicted bi-sexual slut who is more concerned with having an orgasm than anything else in life. She wants to destroy the environment and the poor. Jay Sebring is a homosexual slut who spends his last seconds of life sucking his own cock. Steven Parent is a drug-dealing homosexual. Abigail Folger is more interested in performing oral sex on Sharon Tate than warding off her own death. The LaBianco's are portrayed as an unhappy couple who wishes they had never married and never had children. How will this portrayal affect their children? Their children found their slaughtered and mutilated bodies! Shame on you John Roecker! Shame on you Green Day! Shame on you Blink 182! Shame on everyone involved in this hateful project.

My father was a writer. He was a Pulitzer Prize nominated newspaperman. When I was in fourth grade, I was exposed to the works of Jonathan Swift. I know what satire is. Long before most of the cast and crew of this film were born, I was watching "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour" and "Laugh In." People my age will realize that, that means I have a pretty good idea what satire is. I also know about the punk rock movement. I was a fan of The Ramones and The Dead Boys. My hometown of Memphis was the setting for one of the last concert performances of The Sex Pistols. As a Public Defender, I often defend people wrongly accused of crimes by an oppressive government. I say these things to let you know that I am not a radical conservative with a hidden agenda.

I want this film to fail! I want the people involved in this film to be so overcome by remorse for their actions that they crawl on their knees up to the families of Charlie Manson's victims and beg forgiveness for their cruel callous indifference.

Fuck every one of you involved in this film. I hate what you have done. Any satirical message you may have wanted to convey was lost in the hateful way you portrayed the murder victims of Charlie Manson and his deluded followers. Fuck you all!

The Disc

Fuck you all. Fuck anyone who buys this evil DVD. If you purchase this DVD, I hope you run into Sharon Tate's sisters or parents and have to explain your actions. I hope the families of the victims catch you purchasing this DVD and CD set. I hope you die of embarrassment as you try to explain why you support such so called art that further desecrated and mutilated the spirit and memory of those who have already paid the highest price for coming across Charlie and his fucked up followers.

Picture Quality: 4/10
The picture is poor. The images obscene. Hard core puppet sex. Hard core puppet murders. These are images that you will wish you had not taken in. These are images that you will have to defend watching on Judgment Day.

Sound Quality: 4/10
Fuck this shit! Screw the people who made this movie. They talk about Punk. I hope this review is Punk enough for them. Fuck them! I piss on their art! I shit on their desecration of decency!

Easter Eggs:
No Easter Eggs Found on Disc.

Extra Features: 0/10
Extra shit from extra shitty people. Hey John Roecker. Go explain yourself to Sharon Tate's family. "It's just satire! It's just humor!" You want to know how the Tate's feel. Maybe if some fucked up crazy bastard and his dope crazed followers murder your sister or mother, and then 40 years later some know-it-all-Punk-wannabe-filmmaker comes and portrays your mother or sister as a drugged out, slut whore who could care less about anyone and anything that won't give her an orgasm, then maybe you'll know how the Tates will feel when they see your film. Fuck you.

The Final Word:

Fuck John Roecker and the folks who made this film. Fuck you if you watch it. God have mercy on you if you actually like the movie.