Freddy Vs. Jason

Tits and Slash

by Rusty White

Director:	Ronny Yu
Starring:	Robert Englund, Monica Keena, Ken Kirzinger, Kelly Rowland, Jason Ritter, Katherine Isabelle, Odessa Munroe
Length:	98 min.
Rated:	R
Rating:	2 STARS

"Freddy vs. Jason" is audience manipulation at its most brazen. Fans of the "Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Friday the 13th" series will eat this up. And why not, they've been waiting almost ten years for this film. At the end of "Friday the 13th 9: Jason Goes to Hell," the knifed hand of Freddy Kruger (Robert Englund) popped out of the ground ALA "Carrie" and grabbed Jason's mask. I'll admit that the premise is good. I wondered how a creature that only appears in dreams could do battle with a monster that never sleeps. The filmmakers answer this conundrum with an inventive twist.

Freddy Kruger is whiling away his time in hell. The new kids of Elm Street don't know he exists. The parents of Elm Street have institutionalized all of the older kids who knew about Freddy and censored any references to the dream-stalker. Freddy is pissed off. If the kids don't fear him, he can't invade their nightmares. Freddy decides to resurrect Jason Vorhees (Ken Kirzinger)and let him chop up a few kids. This will get the nightmares going again. As you might expect, Jason does his share of slaughter. The film's highlight (if you don't include the beautiful naked ladies!) is Jason's mass slaughter of a country rave held in a cornfield. Once Freddy gains his strength back, he resents the fact that Jason is loose. Freddy is just about to kill one of his dreamers when Jason actually kills the sleeping girl. This will not do.

For the legions of fans of these films, I will not go into detail of how the two monsters are brought face to face. I will say that they do battle in both realms. Who wins? Who cares. What fans will want are more sequels. I say get Don King involved. It's rematch time. Let's get Mike Tyson involved: The cannibal vs. the slashers!

What fans want are gory special effects, girls in peril, sudden shocks and ripe young girlflesh. Good acting is secondary. The gore quotient is quite high. There are numerous dismemberments, beheadings, gouging, stabbings, choppings and impalments. The effects are realistic and bloody. There are a number of girls in peril. The film opens with a nude hottie (Odessa Munroe) skinny-dipping at the deserted Camp Crystal Lake. The film's heroine, Lori (Monica Keena) spends a great deal of the film running from both Jason and Freddy. Unfortunately, she plays a virtuous character, so we don't get to view her ample bosom unleashed. But don't despair, she has a couple of slutty friends who provide eye candy. "Ginger Snaps" star Katherine Isabelle plays Gibb, Lori's friend involved with an abusive boyfriend. The horn dog in me can't wait for the DVD as Ms. Isabelle gives us what she didn't in "Ginger Snaps": a shower scene! The film also delivers some good, jump-out-of-your-seat shocks. Of course most of these are just red herrings. The film also pays homage to Kevin Smith's creation Jay. There is a character that looks like Jay, talks like Jay and smokes like Jay. Don't know why they didn't just hire Jay!