Monday, December 30, 2013


Doody, Ca-Ca, Poo-Poo

Director: Seth Kearsley
Starring: Adam Sandler, Jackie Titone, Tyra Banks, Jon Lovitz, Kenin Nealon, Rob Schneider
Length: 1 hour 16 minutes
Rated: PG-13

The lowest common denominator for Adam Sandler's profane "8 Crazy Nights" is the number two (think potty). If you ever wondered what a 70-year-old, seizure-prone dwarf would look like after being pushed down a hill in a porta-potty, then "8 Crazy Nights" is your kind of movie. If you ever wondered what reindeer with 'shit-eating-grins' looked like, then "8 Crazy Nights" is your kind of movie. If you ever wondered what the backsides of those same reindeer looked like as they had machine-gun, rapid-fire bowel movements, then "8 Crazy Nights" is your kind of movie.

Unfortunately, word of mouth will get around in the junior high restrooms next week, and 13-year old boys all over the country will make this movie some money. My 13-year old son and his friends could have written “8 Crazy Nights” after they broke into my vodka. The movie is stupid, juvenile and utterly profane. It is the worst Adam Sandler film ever made.

Davey (Adam Sandler) is a hate filled alcoholic who hates everyone including himself. Life has dealt him some hard blows, so Davey has decided to make everyone in his town as miserable as he is. Whitey (Adam Sandler) is an elderly dwarf who runs the town's junior basketball league. After Davey is arrested for destroying the town's Christmas and Chanukah decorations, Whitey offers to help Davey reform rather than go to the penitentiary. To bad for the movie goers that one of the film's police officers didn't look around to see if anyone was watching and shoot Davey in the face. Of course, Davey craps (literally) all over the old man. Davey craps all over everyone in the film. Adam Sandler craps all over everyone who slaps down their hard-earned money to see this crap. Like Scrooge before him, Davey will see the light before the 8th day of Chanukah has passed.

So what! Do not go see this film. If you have an IQ over 72, or you are more than 6 months into your puberty, this movie will insult and bore you. Adam Sandler's new holiday songs are awful. The new version of his classic Chanukah song plays over the ends credits. It is the only worthwhile thing in the entire film. Buy the CD instead. If you are a decent parent, you will not let your 13 year-olds (the film's target audience) go see this. Rest assured that there are plenty of tobacco chewing, wrasslin watching, inbred, Jerry Springer rejects that will think this is the greatest thing since WWE Pay-Per-Views with The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. All others be sure to take along a couple of rolls of toilet paper and be prepared to be covered in shit.

No comments: